About Masturbation

Recently we have been receiving comments about other very similar looking blowjob machines to the Autoblow being available on the market. Well, they may be of the same template, but rest assured, they are not of the same quality.

If you are paying $30 for a blowjob machine and getting an indifferent blowjob, you need to upgrade to the Autoblow Blast in a hurry and not look at, but feel the difference.

Just as there are cars built for economy and cars built for luxury, so there are blowjob machines built to blow you, and those built to deep throat blow – that’s the Autoblow Blast difference.

The other thing to understand is that there are two types of Autoblow. Autoblow Blast is designed for guys with an average size cock. The Autoblow Max is designed for those with an all American whopper measuring more than 6.5” in length.

If you are using the Autoblow Max and finding it kinda echoey, switch down to the Autoblow Blast.

The man behind the Autoblow near wore out his cock ensuring he had the best spec on the market; he was not going to settle for something that merely sucked, he wanted something that would blow him away.

Nor did he settle on sitting at home to make his choice either. He went right to the heart of the action, where the machine is made to his demanding specifications – mainland China. Here he hired a scooter and pestered the hell out of every sex toy manufacturer until he got exactly what he wanted. And to make sure he continues to get exactly what he wants, he learned Mandarin and moved there. He is that determined not to be fobbed off with second best. That’s another important Autoblow difference, personal and persistent quality control right at the point of manufacture.

We repeat, there is only one Autoblow Blast and it’s available at www.roboticblowjob.com

What in the world has Blind Lemon Jefferson got to do with anything when it comes to talking about masturbation? Well, we could cheapen his reputation by saying that’s why he went blind – but no – that would be to do a disservice to this influential father of the Texas Blues. Besides, Lemon Jefferson was born blind. But from an early age, Blind Lemon took to the streets in the bad old parts of town, where men were hustling for women all night long.

Now these were mighty fine looking women, known in those days as ‘fairbrowns’, and for a few dollars they would take you upstairs for a little ‘Shake Sugaree.’ History does not record the amount paid for just a hand job in those days, but Blind Lemon could comfortably afford it because he had one of the most successful recording careers of all the black blues artists.

The guy was working the streets till 4am surrounded by available ‘wimmin’ so it is quite plausible to believe Blind Lemon was getting more than his fair share, especially as his seeing eye friend at the time, bluesman  T. Bone Walker described him as ‘a sloppy womanizing drunk.’ He said “He sure couldn’t see, but man he could feel his way around.”

Blind Lemon played his guitar fast and had a high pitched voice – one of his biggest hits was ‘Black Snake Moan,’ which requires little or no imagination to guess to what he’s alluding.

When Jefferson was done with his black snake moaning he worried that his grave be kept clean. Ironically, after his death in 1929, it wasn’t kept clean for a long time. By 1996 the cemetery and his grave marker were in poor condition. But in 2007, they changed the cemetery name to Blind Lemon Memorial Cemetery and today his smart granite headstone is indeed kept clean.

Blind Lemon Jefferson, another legendary bluesman who knew how to ‘shake that thing.’

Speaking of waxing lyrical about waxing the dolphin, the Autoblow Blast is the world’s first fully automatic blowjob machine which can deliver an expertly executed blowjob at the pace you want through the use of a multi-speed controller that controls the speed of the micro-beads riding up and down the length of your cock.

Recent archival evidence has come to light which suggests that legendary bluesman Robert Johnson was in possession of an early model of the Autoblow. It would take a brave man indeed to deny that Robert Johnson was making implicit references to the Autoblow in his classic blues song: Come on in My Kitchen.

We asked leading ethnologist and blues authority Professor Whitehair to anlayze these lyrics:

Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm
You better come on in my kitchen.
It’s goin’ to be rainin’ outdoors.
When a woman gets in trouble, everybody throws her down.
Lookin’ for yo’ good friend, none can be found.
You better come on in my kitchen.
It’s goin’ to be rainin’ outdoors.

His comments:

“The rhythmic, repetitive ‘mmm mmm’ refrain is clearly onomatopoeic symbology of sexual satisfaction of the sort only derived from an Autoblow blowjob machine.”

‘You better come on in my kitchen’ – “early models of the Autoblow ran on mains and required a lot of juice. In fact poor electric supply in black ghettoes meant lights would often dim in the neighborhood and the running joke was ‘there goes Johnson Autoblowin’ hisself again.’ But often the only room in a cheaply constructed 1930’s house to have a reliable electricity supply was the kitchen. Coming in his kitchen was the natural place to do it.”

‘It’s going to be rainin’ outdoors’ “Here Johnson is subtly prognosticating inclement weather as an excuse to stay indoors and pleasure himself with an Autoblow.

‘When a woman gets in trouble, everybody throws her down’ “What Johnson really alludes to here is that women are too much trouble so throw them away and use an Autoblow instead.”

‘Looking for yo’ good friend, none can be found’ “Supplies of the Autoblow were not what they are today, so you could search the stores for weeks without success. No internet in those days of course.”

‘You better come on in my kitchen’ – “this repeated line emphasizes that Johnson’s kitchen is the only place you are likely to get a session with an Autoblow.”

So there you have it. Conclusive proof that blues legend Robert Johnson was an early Autoblow afficiando. But you don’t need to be blue. Just order an Autoblow today.

There are any numerous songs dedicated to Five Fingered Mary, and here are just a few of them. A number of the more poetic ones about masturbation were written by women.

“When there’s no-one else in sight/In the crowded lonely night/Well I wait so long/For my love vibration/And I’m dancing with myself.”—Billy Idol, “Dancing With Myself”
Billy Joel singing about masturbation. Do you think he was thinking about his ‘Uptown Girl’ Christie Brinkley at the time?

“Cause I just discovered/Imagination’s taken over/Another day without a lover/The more I come to understand the touch of my hand/The small of my back/The arch of my feet/Lately I’ve been noticing the beautiful me/I’m all in my skin and I’m not gonna wait/I’m into myself in a most precious way.”—Britney Spears, “The Touch Of My Hand”
Britney Spears after Justin, just bustin’ to talk about masturbation.

“This I’ve got your picture, I’ve got your picture/I’d like a million of you all round my cell/I want a doctor to take your picture/So I can look at you from inside as well/You’ve got me turning up and turning down/And turning in and turning ‘round/I’m turning Japanese, I think I’m turning Japanese.”—The Vapors, “Turning Japanese”
Long rumoured, and never refuted to be about masturbation due to the idea that you squint when you are masturbating.

“Do I wanna go out with a lions roar/Huh, yea, I wanna go south n get me some more/Hey, they say that a stitch in time saves nine/They say I better stop—or I’ll go blind/Oop—she bop—she bop.”—Cyndi Lauper, “She Bop”
Cyndi Lauper has clearly stated this song is about masturbation.

“And when my hand touches myself/I can finally rest my head/And when they take from his body/I think I’ll take from mine instead/Getting off, getting off while they’re all downstairs.”—Tori Amos, “Icicle”
Here Tori is talking about Easter and about masturbation.

“I knew a girl named Nikki/I guess u could say she was a sex fiend/I met her in a hotel lobby/Masturbating with a magazine/She said how’d you like to waste some time/And I could not resist when I saw little Nikki grind.”—Prince, “Darling Nikki”
This song prompted Tipper Gore to form the Parents Music Resource Center, which led to the use of “Parental Advisory” stickers and imprints on album covers.